… Martha … is in rivalry with her sister. The … cause of Martha’s worry and distractedness [is] that she is entirely focused on what Mary is or isn't doing. Have you ever been there yourself – working up a sweat in the garden or the kitchen or at your desk whilst all the time not thinking at all about the work you’re doing, but obsessing about the other person in the situation, who you’re increasingly resenting because you feel they’re not helping you, they’re not there for you? Like Martha, you are in rivalry with an other, which can only end in tears of anger, frustration, and loss.
Martha’s rivalrous relationship with her sister causes her to employ the age-old tactic of trying to ‘triangle’ someone else into her relationship with her sister. In her distracted state of mind Martha asks Jesus to take her side and intervene: ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.’ Martha’s intention (though she probably isn’t conscious of it) is for she and Jesus to unify themselves against Mary.
And so what has taken shape before us here is a classic example of what psychologists call a ‘drama triangle’. Not a love triangle – though love triangles might become drama triangles from time to time – a drama triangle is a model of human behaviour which involves three psychological roles which sound very familiar, roles which people often take in a situation:
- The person who plays the role of a victim;
- The person who pressures, coerces or persecutes the victim; and
- The rescuer, who intervenes, seemingly out of a desire to help the situation or the underdog.
The victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer – roles we each play out all the time, every day – think about it, you’ll recognise it. But unlike the pantomime formula of the hero, the villain, and the damsel in distress, we’re not type-cast in one role particularly, but we change roles all the time, for the drama in a ‘drama triangle’ comes when people’s roles switch. …
– from Illuminating what makes Martha mad, my talk today
